Have been doing a lot of shooting lately with an old friend.. Forgot how much I loved putting small bits of lead down range into paper targets.
I decided to start blogging again today.. and erased a bunch of schmutz that I didn't need to remember anymore.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Monday, May 24, 2010
Yeah...
Enough of that.. thanks to some new insight from some wonderful friends, I found out that all those hurty feelings I had were for naught.. and very much undeserved. I feel so much better now, and today is such a beautiful day.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
...another odd dream
I came home from work today with a headache.. so I got into bed at around 5:30 or 6pm.. woke up at 8:30 this evening.. this was the dream I had.
I was at work.. only the building was 20-30 times larger than it really is. I walked away from the kitchen I was building and came back to find the room dark with lots of little sparkles in the air and instead of the counter tops, I find fancy cupcakes, salads, dishes of food all lined up in the sawdust on the tables. That's about the time that I noticed that the sparkles were coming off of a disco ball in the center of the room.
I blinked, and streaming into the room and all around me were high school kids in graduation gowns and prom dresses and suits and tuxes. There were two or three girls standing there who were very upset that I was back in my work area, and wanted to know my name. I told them and they ran off to get the owners wife. She comes back, hands me a specimen jar and tells me to fill it up... I notice that it's a bottle from a sperm bank.
I blinked again and I'm standing over with one of my co-workers and we are goofing off by the office door, kids are streaming in, food, balloons, flowers, gifts and all sorts of stuff is being walked past us into the office. We all decided to leave, having lost Jeff (my best friend as well as my supervisor) in the initial rush, and head towards the door to wait for him outside. we make it to the hallway where another group of people are all packed in the hallway being interviewed by the local news for some reason or another and we are stuck in the crush. The owners wife hands me a thick envelope from over my shoulder and tells me to follow her. We head back across the shop floor towards the office, and she's telling me that if my sample is successful that whoever it was going to will take care of me or make sure everything is taken care of.. and in her dream words said "You may even be able to keep your benefits".
I blink and I'm at home, but not my home. I'm watching TV on my computer and I keep hearing someone come down the stairs and then going back up the stairs. I know who it is, but don't know at the same time. Every time I hear them come down, I ease my Glock down into my lap from the desk I'm sitting at. Finally a girl I know of, but have only really ever seen around town in real life comes down the stairs pointing a shotgun at me. I'm pointing the Glock at her. We both ease our weapons down and I notice that she's pregnant. I get up, walk over and hug her and she tells me that my hug made her heart beat really fast. We walk into the kitchen, I'm dying to tell her that she can stay and that I'll take care of her.. I know that she's hiding from someone, but I'm waiting for her to tell me that before I tell her. She asks me what I'm watching I try to explain but every time I try she asks "porn?" No.. a movie about something else I keep answering back. I fix her some food and she starts to tell me that she can't go back and my promise to take care of her comes rushing out. We hug and are suddenly on the floor naked wrapped up in a blanket. I look up and there is a well tanned, thin blond woman holding a little boy staring at me through a sliding glass door.
I blink and I am back in the office. Owner's wife is sitting at a desk talking to me about all kinds of stuff that I can't understand, but I can still gets bits and pieces of the conversation about me being taken care of out of it and to punctuate her point, she hands me a 50 and winks at me. Great I think, because it's already past time that I can cash my check I can buy food for the girl. We walk down the office hall, to another desk. She hands me a HUGE pizza box, it's like a moving box like 3 feet square per side. I look over and see a long, thin room to my right just past her desk. Hundreds of high school kids are seated, eating and talking to each other over a really long table.. only they can't talk to anyone across from them because there is a a big stained glass rectangle taking up most of the center of the table. I finally realize that it's their daughters graduation party.. a bunch of hippie kids I recognize from around town in real life suddenly show up with platters of food.. and a dog comes running down the hallway at me, and attacks the box. Everyone laughs as I try to stop it from destroying the box. The dog gets the box and she hands me another thick envelope. The whole time I felt as if I were being talked down to.. I tried to tell her that my own parents had owned a business, and that we had been were they were.. but it was as if she could no longer hear me.
I blink and I'm sitting out in my truck..the parking lot is full and people are still bringing in food, balloons, flowers and glassware which seemed to have been purchased from thrift stores/junk shops. Two cop cars are sitting side by side on the road next to me on the left, both have their noses out into a crossing lane.. a car goes flying by in one direction, and motorcycle in the other, and they both almost clip the front end of the cop car.. the cops take off after each. I look back through the windshield and see the hippie kids running towards my truck with shopping carts filled with some of the party supplies, food and pillows. I said to myself "Pillows are an odd party favor". I suddenly felt a strong kinship with these kids. I started to drive away, thinking that I needed to pick up food for the girl.. I open the envelope while coasting down a small hill.. inside is a few tiny pill bottles, with pain killers and muscle relaxers, some RX stickers which are blank, a few receipts and a sticker that shows that my check was auto deposited earlier in the day.. I started to think about the girl and was suddenly wide awake.
At the point that I woke up I actually felt such a pain and loss that she wasn't there in bed with me.. and that I would never make it home with food for her, or that I would get the chance to prove that I could take care of her.. or that it was never real in the first place. I have this weird dislike for myself right now for the simple fact that don't know the girl or even her name.. almost feel as if I've lost out on something important that was supposed to happen in my life.
WTF is going on in my head.
I was at work.. only the building was 20-30 times larger than it really is. I walked away from the kitchen I was building and came back to find the room dark with lots of little sparkles in the air and instead of the counter tops, I find fancy cupcakes, salads, dishes of food all lined up in the sawdust on the tables. That's about the time that I noticed that the sparkles were coming off of a disco ball in the center of the room.
I blinked, and streaming into the room and all around me were high school kids in graduation gowns and prom dresses and suits and tuxes. There were two or three girls standing there who were very upset that I was back in my work area, and wanted to know my name. I told them and they ran off to get the owners wife. She comes back, hands me a specimen jar and tells me to fill it up... I notice that it's a bottle from a sperm bank.
I blinked again and I'm standing over with one of my co-workers and we are goofing off by the office door, kids are streaming in, food, balloons, flowers, gifts and all sorts of stuff is being walked past us into the office. We all decided to leave, having lost Jeff (my best friend as well as my supervisor) in the initial rush, and head towards the door to wait for him outside. we make it to the hallway where another group of people are all packed in the hallway being interviewed by the local news for some reason or another and we are stuck in the crush. The owners wife hands me a thick envelope from over my shoulder and tells me to follow her. We head back across the shop floor towards the office, and she's telling me that if my sample is successful that whoever it was going to will take care of me or make sure everything is taken care of.. and in her dream words said "You may even be able to keep your benefits".
I blink and I'm at home, but not my home. I'm watching TV on my computer and I keep hearing someone come down the stairs and then going back up the stairs. I know who it is, but don't know at the same time. Every time I hear them come down, I ease my Glock down into my lap from the desk I'm sitting at. Finally a girl I know of, but have only really ever seen around town in real life comes down the stairs pointing a shotgun at me. I'm pointing the Glock at her. We both ease our weapons down and I notice that she's pregnant. I get up, walk over and hug her and she tells me that my hug made her heart beat really fast. We walk into the kitchen, I'm dying to tell her that she can stay and that I'll take care of her.. I know that she's hiding from someone, but I'm waiting for her to tell me that before I tell her. She asks me what I'm watching I try to explain but every time I try she asks "porn?" No.. a movie about something else I keep answering back. I fix her some food and she starts to tell me that she can't go back and my promise to take care of her comes rushing out. We hug and are suddenly on the floor naked wrapped up in a blanket. I look up and there is a well tanned, thin blond woman holding a little boy staring at me through a sliding glass door.
I blink and I am back in the office. Owner's wife is sitting at a desk talking to me about all kinds of stuff that I can't understand, but I can still gets bits and pieces of the conversation about me being taken care of out of it and to punctuate her point, she hands me a 50 and winks at me. Great I think, because it's already past time that I can cash my check I can buy food for the girl. We walk down the office hall, to another desk. She hands me a HUGE pizza box, it's like a moving box like 3 feet square per side. I look over and see a long, thin room to my right just past her desk. Hundreds of high school kids are seated, eating and talking to each other over a really long table.. only they can't talk to anyone across from them because there is a a big stained glass rectangle taking up most of the center of the table. I finally realize that it's their daughters graduation party.. a bunch of hippie kids I recognize from around town in real life suddenly show up with platters of food.. and a dog comes running down the hallway at me, and attacks the box. Everyone laughs as I try to stop it from destroying the box. The dog gets the box and she hands me another thick envelope. The whole time I felt as if I were being talked down to.. I tried to tell her that my own parents had owned a business, and that we had been were they were.. but it was as if she could no longer hear me.
I blink and I'm sitting out in my truck..the parking lot is full and people are still bringing in food, balloons, flowers and glassware which seemed to have been purchased from thrift stores/junk shops. Two cop cars are sitting side by side on the road next to me on the left, both have their noses out into a crossing lane.. a car goes flying by in one direction, and motorcycle in the other, and they both almost clip the front end of the cop car.. the cops take off after each. I look back through the windshield and see the hippie kids running towards my truck with shopping carts filled with some of the party supplies, food and pillows. I said to myself "Pillows are an odd party favor". I suddenly felt a strong kinship with these kids. I started to drive away, thinking that I needed to pick up food for the girl.. I open the envelope while coasting down a small hill.. inside is a few tiny pill bottles, with pain killers and muscle relaxers, some RX stickers which are blank, a few receipts and a sticker that shows that my check was auto deposited earlier in the day.. I started to think about the girl and was suddenly wide awake.
At the point that I woke up I actually felt such a pain and loss that she wasn't there in bed with me.. and that I would never make it home with food for her, or that I would get the chance to prove that I could take care of her.. or that it was never real in the first place. I have this weird dislike for myself right now for the simple fact that don't know the girl or even her name.. almost feel as if I've lost out on something important that was supposed to happen in my life.
WTF is going on in my head.
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